Category Archives: Live Shows

THAT WAS A CRAZY NIGHT: Bonerz sacked by Dick’s! Manager says “Not a good fit!”

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Okay, so remember when exactly one week ago I said it looked like things were going pretty up and up for Wild Bonerz? How we auditioned for the new Dick’s Last Resort in Baltimore’s Inner Harbor and it went REALLY well? Well, unlearn what I said, because that all changed Monday night.

About a week ago, Steve and I went to the yet-to-be-opened Dick’s for an audition. We had been invited by the chain’s National Entertainment Director after responding to an ad we found on Craigslist. Among about 8 other bands, which were of the full-band-cover-show-extravaganza style, we were an unlikely duo. But we killed!

So much so that they booked us for four weekday gigs and one weekend gig in a two week span.

Our first date was last Monday night; Dick’s first official night of business. As we strolled in well before our set time of 6:30pm, we found out that none of the gear from the audition was left on stage for us to use. In fact, they had nothing in-house besides a mixer and a house PA. I had to roll back up to Northeast Baltimore to get our own mics and mic-stands. We went on an hour late, but the management understood the miscommunication.

Our first set lasted 40 minutes (their policy is 40-on 20-off). I left the stage to go to the bar and received praise from some random folks. Then I received a text from Steve, who was only 30 feet away from me.

“We have been sacked!”

I went over to him to ask what that meant exactly.  As it turns out, the restaurant manager felt that we were not a good fit. Furthermore, he explained that although he would still pay us for the night we were definitely not to go on stage anymore, that night or any following night.

“What happened?” I asked Steve.

“Something about the banjo not being a good fit in a place like this…”

I was confused. Then the manager approached, handed me a check, and apologized. I handed him a CD. He seemed kind of baffled by that.

Looking for some value in the experience we quickly got to work, taking advantage of our 1/2-priced band discount which, at a place like Dick’s, really gets the prices down to about where they should be ($4.75 Natty Bohs, just sayin…). From the bar, we got a good view of our replacement act, as management opened up the stage for little kids to jump around and throw balloons at one another.

After spending an hour or so in delightful drunken rejection we decided to milk a little bit more out of the night. We asked the bouncer, a dutiful fellow by the name of BooBee James, to throw us out on our untalented, podunk, and down-right disrespectful asses.

We left with fat pockets, full bellies, and a great press pic and we only had to play for 40 minutes!

***
If you like this post check out:

You Band Is On A Broken Down Bus In The Desert: Have A Good Time! – True story about the Flute Squad getting booted off national television, being abandoned in the Las Vegas desert, and having the time of our lives.

NEWS: Wild Bonerz Slated To Be Regular Band At Dick’s Last Resort

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In an act of pure name-luck Wild Bonerz, The Flute Squad’s old-timey cover barons, will be helping Grand Open Dick’s Last Resort in Baltimore’s Inner Harbor next week.

We went down to the Power Plant, to check out the joint earlier this week and are absolutely psyched to be playing and reminding tourists to “find your happy place.” (Baltimore’s current tourism slogan)

Confirmed dates:

  • Monday June 28th (6:30pm-10:30pm)
  • Thursday July 1st (6:30pm-10:30pm)
  • Monday July 5th (6:30pm-10:30pm)
  • Thursday July 8th (6:30pm-10:30pm)

It may be too soon to call it but it feels like a “regular gig” is a-brewing. We’ll see how long it takes for them to get tired of us. But judging by the amount of dick jokes that Wild Bonerz and Dick’s Last Resort rely on to support our respective brands, this seems like a perfect match. Come out and see us starting at 6:30 pm!

Oh yeah, and if you haven’t heard Wild Bonerz:

VENUE REVIEW: Sonar

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As a reference to touring bands we are attempting to create a library of reviews of the venues we have played. Most of these venues are in and around the Baltimore area. We attempt to review the venues from the perspective of a performing band (sound, environment, staff, money situation, etc.) For more specific information CONTACT US

Sonar reviewed by Nikc Miller

407 East Saratoga Street
Baltimore, MD 21202
sonarbaltimore.com

We were a pretty young band when playing at Sonar seemed like a big break. None of us knew much about the club, so when we walked in, and saw all three stages, it even felt like a big deal. They stuck us in the lounge area, which is still pretty impressive in terms of size and scope. So it’s important to say that if you’re planning on playing Sonar and don’t have a decent plan to get people in the door, don’t be surprised when the floor at the club looks pretty empty if you don’t produce a decent turnout. The place is built out of a warehouse, it’s freakin huge.

DMFS at Sonar – December 6, 2006

A lot of “What the…” moments happened to us for the first time at Sonar:

  1. They set the door price at $10. It was a Wednesday night. There were no other events happening in the entire club that night.
  2. They gave us tickets to sell. I wouldn’t expect Ticketmaster to write and record an album, so I’m not sure why it’s expected of bands to sell tickets. I am fundamentally against selling tickets to my own show, but I didn’t know this at the time.
  3. After setting up and getting there super early (1-2 hours before) we set up our equipment, soundchecked and relaxed. Sometime passed after the show was actually supposed to begin and the sound guy was mysteriously missing. Soon after, we were told to “hit the stage.”
  4. At one point in our set we hear in our monitor: “One more song guys.” A not-so-gracious heads-up. Come on, give us two maybe three more songs to wrap this bullshit up!
  5. At the end of the night, I asked the door lady, “So did we make any money tonight?” Her: “No the club actually LOST alot of money tonight”

Alot of my gripes with Sonar was with the money situation. If a club is worried about making their nut, then for the life of me I can’t figure out why they will hire three security guards/doormen for a Wednesday night concert featuring local rock bands. Charging $10 at the door for the same type of show seems counter-intuitive as well.

With that being said, the sound was good both on and off the stage. And we managed to entertain a few of our friends.  The drink policy was less than gracious towards the bands. I think it was something like two drinks per band. But what made it worse was that there were absolutely no drink specials that night, making Horsepower the wise one for bring his own Shiner Bock.

Sonar does a lot of things right: sub-mainstream rock shows, club DJ shows, even mainstream hiphop shows. So the point of this review is not necessarily to bash Sonar but rather to warn small bands. If you’re playing a BIG club, you’re not going to automatically turn into a BIG band. You’re just gonna look like a BIG asshole when you go ask for money at the end of the night. Make sure the show you’re putting on makes sense to the place where you are putting it on.

(Note: Sonar now includes The Talking Head Club as part of their venue which was not the case when we played this club. The Talking Head Club is meant strictly for smaller, local, and subversive music.)

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If you like this article, check out:

Venue Review: Fletchers – Where we openly bash one of the shittiest, now defunct, clubs Baltimore has ever known.

Venue Review: The Windup Space – Where we praise (and secretly wish to play again) one of Station North’s best multipurpose spaces.

Venue Review: Charm City Art Space - Some “REAL TALK” on Baltimore’s own longest running DIY space.

Don’t Be A Dick! (Ask a friend to be a dick if needed.)

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In between sets at this college party, I’m sitting at this kitchen bar waiting for the keg line to die down. We’re not getting paid for this gig, so I have my email list out. At the mere mention of someone telling me they enjoyed our set, I tell them to write down their email. At one point I just told some kid to give me his email address. He had no idea who I was or why I wanted it, he hadn’t been there for the first set. But he shrugged his shoulders and grabbed my pen.

I look across the room where two girls I’ve dubbed “The Chemical Sisters” have decided to use my PA to blare club music through their laptops and act like they’re really doing something amazing. To my chagrin this tall hippie dude, who reminds me of the lead singer of the Spin Doctors has taken my mic off its stand to scream/sing/rap into it. The volume in the mic channel is way low, so its hard to hear him, but he’s definitely in the mix. I hope he will get tired of this game but he doesn’t.

My friend Rosscoe comes over to ask me something, and I half-jokingly say “Look at this fucking guy, this shit ain’t karaoke. Rosscoe, go tell that guy to take his fucking hands off my mic.”

Excited at the mission he proclaims “Okay!” and hightails it over there.

I sit back amused as I watch Rosscoe, who is significantly shorter than Mic-Kid, dominate the situation. Mic-Kid is reluctant, but Rosscoe calmly grabs the mic from him, and with a few hand gestures somehow backs him down while gracefully placing the mic back on the stand. I was stunned that he was able to stifle Mic-Kid so easily. Rosscoe leaves and I see Mic-Kid standing there, sort of dancing. I keep expecting him to grab the mic again, but he just doesn’t.

About 20 minutes later, I wander over to the PA to tell The Chemical Sisters to turn down their laptops so we can play some goddamn music. Before I can get to them, Mic Kid approaches me “Is this your PA equipment?” I say,”Yeah.”

“Did you tell some guy to tell me not to touch the mics?”

“Yeah”

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t want to be a dick so I got someone else to be a dick.”

“Oh. Okay man its cool. It’s you’re stuff. I just wanted to know if that kid was being a dick on his own.”

“No I told him to.”

“No problem man, sorry for fucking with the mics.”

“No problem, thanks for coming out.”

As we play our second set, I see Mic-Kid bopping up and down to our tuned-up version of Phil Collins “Another Day In Paradise.”

***

I only say this because while checking someone may be necessary at certain points in your live entertainment career it’s important to note your role as “the entertainment.” Anything you personally do to bring the energy down for an individual is branding your band negatively in that person’s eyes. This includes ignoring people at shows and paying attention to your iPhone instead.

Please note that this can be a passive gesture. Paying attention to your Blackberry instead of speaking to someone who’s wandering around your merch table can be sort of a bummer for that fan too.

Super Art Fight: Bitchmade! and TRAM

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Ok, two more videos from Super Art Fight VI and then we’ll move on. This has been a fun way to introduce some of the songs that are being recording in the studio for the next album, Boneslinky! So far I’m really siked about all of the new material.

Bitchmade!

“Bitchmade!” is sort of like the flip side of “Big Fist.” It started as an old man’s first person lament against the modern-ness of today’s male.  I get in these crazy moods some days and record demos that sound like this:

 

In the video, you’ll see that we’re launching kazoos out into the crowd. This gimmick spawned from our children’s band The Hilltop Hightops, and has ended up being a staple of our Flute Squad “office parties.” Mike “Cap’n Mediocrity” Bennett, confessed to me later in the night that he had accidentally nailed someone right in the face with a kazoo. So, yeah, if you come to a show HEADS UP.

TRAM

“TRAM” is one of a few genre-bending tracks on the new album.  It’s decidedly non-rock in an album full of pretty hard rock tunes.  What’s missing from the live version is this sweet Coldplay-meets-MIDI piano track.  TRAM is definitely a NEW new-tune, meaning we haven’t played it out for too long. We’re still working out some of the kinks.

Alot of people have already asked me what the fuck this song is about. I think it’s a bit self-explanatory. It deals with our obsession of Disney, Epcot, Dire Straits, and the phenomenon where wild amusement meets order.



Super Art Fight VI: Show Us Your Boobs

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Just wanted to share some videos from Super Art Fight VI with you guys , I’ll be revealing a few other videos on this blog this week. I’m taking this opportunity to explain some of the songs that will be available on the next album, Boneslinky! in a few months.

“Show Us Your Boobs (Buy Me A Beer)” is a song that’s been around for a while. It’s probably the one song that was worked out exclusively in and around the live setting.  Rather than our typical cheap idea demo–>play it live—>record it for real method, this song was actually written during the process of playing shows.  Like most of our songs, it is one that started out as a joke about the ultimate crowd participation. After repeated attempts at coercing the audience to either:

a.) Showing us boobs

or

b.) Buying us beer

we have ACTUALY seen like, I dunno, 3 boobs and have received the equivalent of a round of beers. In fact, most of this boob-flashing, and beer-giving happens after the show is over.  Many people, ACTUAL WOMEN, have told me they love the song, but feel a bit weird about actually showing their tits in a bar filled with 30 people.  The lack of beer is just laziness or cheapness I suppose.

Super Art Fight VI: Big Fist

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Just wanted to share some videos from Super Art Fight VI with you guys , I’ll be revealing a few other videos on this blog this week.

“Big Fist” a song from the upcoming album, Boneslinky! takes on unbridled testosterone-driven rage, one of the comic themes that has become common within The Dirty Marmaduke Flute Squad, and a theme that is revisited again in yet another song from the Boneslinky! set.  I’m a fan of “Big Fist” for the hyper-chromatic riff that runs through the chorus.

As for Super Art Fight, it’s safe to say that this show changed our perception of how great playing live could be. Along with a ton of press and a ton of people showing up, Super Art Fight was a great example of how to partner with an enthusiastic group of people and, for a brief moment, become the center of attention. It’s my type of show. Instead of sitting through three other bands with no good place to escape, there’s a wild circus sideshow vibe with plenty of random things to look at and listen to.