Back in 2006 The Dirty Marmaduke Flute Squad got a gig headlining at the Talking Head Club in Baltimore. We had been playing all over town for over a year and this venue seemed like a big deal.

We somehow managed to pack the place. Actually there’s a pretty amusing story about the bathrooms not working that night. But for this post, we’ll skip ahead to the part where the promoter of the show walks up to me and hands me 5 sweaty twenty-dollar bills. It seemed like a godsend, because we never had gotten paid to play before, we hardly even considered asking.

I proudly walked up to the stage where the rest of the band was tearing down the gear and handed every one a twenty-dollar bill and kept one for myself. It seemed to divide easy enough, and it surely paid for the beer we drank that night.

I was an idiot.

Now I’m going to tell you some advice that I hope is so painfully obvious that you throw up both hands and spit coffee all over your keyboard:

DON’T SPLIT UP THE MONEY! PUT ALL OF THE MONEY IN AN ONLINE SAVINGS ACCOUNT FOR YOUR BAND!

Before you click away in disgust, recognize that this isn’t some commercial. Nobody in the Flute Squad works for the banks. This is real world advice that worked for us. The sooner we started saving money, the sooner we became a band with products and goals.

And before you tell me: “Oh yeah, my band saves money, Murray saves it all in a shoebox in his room,” let me tell you this. I’ve heard of the shoebox savings plan. I heard a really terrible story of a band that did just that, only to have a crackhead roommate steal their entire fund. Heartbreaking stuff. Don’t be a knucklehead, save your money with a financial institution.

Let me answer a few questions from the audience:

1. Why? We each individually worked for the money!

Listen, if you are interested in doing this band thing for the long haul you are going to need some scratch to do alot of things that real bands do. CDs, stickers, shirts, equipment, bar tabs of band members who bail, gas money, tour buses, et cetera, all need to be paid for at some point .

I think we can all agree that your plan to buy a Red Bull and Vodka for that hot chick at the bar is better suited for your own money rather than the band’s money.

2. Who gets to be in charge? Everyone in my band is terrible with money!

I hate to break it to you, but you’re the one reading this blog, which immediately makes you the smartest member of your band. You should probably get over your fear of money, read I Will Teach You To Be Rich, and start dominating your band’s earnings.

3. I hate you. I didn’t get involved in this to deal with money!

That’s not really a question, but okay. Maybe you actually started the band so you wouldn’t have to deal with problems like this. But it’s inevitable that at some point in your life you are going to have to demonstrate some sort of fiscal responsibility. At least you can see the results of your savings when your band gets back its first CD, all shiny and shrink-wrapped with a 12-page fold-out lyric sheet.

4. What do I do? You are 100% right, but I’m confused!

We knew you’d come around. Here’s what to do:

Go to ING Direct and follow the instructions to start an Orange Savings Account. You will need to go to your local bank and open a physical checking account to start the online account.

While there are other options, we personally use and can vouch for ING Direct. We’ve stayed with them for years because they have (nearly) the best interest rates, and are constantly upgrading their security and options. We also use an Electric Orange Account for when the band is playing out a lot. This is an online checking account that gives you a debit card that you can use like a credit card.

Coming soon: How the Flute Squad beat the odds by timing the stock market!